...Been some time since i've wrote a journal on how i feel, its been quite a while since i've wrote one on anything to be honest. Dont know what to write about now, which is weird cause i know i want to write something its just knowing what to time. Well lets start off with the thing i cant stop thinking about, and as always its a guy..lol His names Adam... I really like him, and at first i thought nothing could change that and i dunno, i guess love is blind. Either that or it makes you go blind because you believe your inseperable. I guess you just start to see more things that are wrong about a relationship when one thing slips. From day one i never trusted him, thats a big problem cause i want to trust him but i cant stop thinking that his talking to girls chatting them up, flirting with them. I'm even jealous of his SISTER !! Its just i'm starting to hate myself because of this now... I want help with this if it means i can have this relationship with no problems about trust or jealousey. -.- This gets me down, love is supposed to have ups and downs, mines only ever really been downs. And its all because of lack of trust. I could handle normally arguements because then maybe i could defend my court better but with lack of trust and jealousey its hard to explain to the opposite person and i cant defend it at all. They just never understand. A part of me hates him. I dont know why, its all the little things that add up to that little part of me wanting to break him down.

I'm upset and i feel very alone, like everyone around me can be hugging me and i still would feel very lonely and so apart from them. Not a person in the world i feel close to.